.: Como Me Sinto, Verdades e Mentiras :.
I have been wondering these days. Do I ever learn the lessons of my life? Doesn't my past teach me anything? Because the things I do sounds like the stupid things I did before. It makes me sad and I have my reasons to be sad. People I like just go away. I already lost my father that never listened to me. I was just a stupid teenager. I just wish people could never go away. I ended up hurting people and been hurt by them. It's a never ending fight. Underneath it, many feelings. I should have already learned not to be too much attached to things. But I can't help it, it is my nature, it is who I am.
I follow my instincts and capture any sings that could provide hints of human intentions. They become clear as the time you spend with others passes. That's why sometimes I can understand people without even listening to their words. They come to me naturally and sometimes, when they make sense I see some ugly situations. But there are also times when actions are dear, specially from those who believe you. What is ugly does not hurt me much, what hurts me most is to know good intentions that went wrong and turns to be bad ones. Worse is the silence, cowardliness, even lies. Really, I do not care when there are no feelings involved, when you just have to do things for the sake of other things, but when there is a relationship of trust involved, what is clear becomes obscure. It breaks my heart, its poison seeping through my veins stealing dignity as it is written on a song. It feels like the reward of your loyalty is only the betrayal.
I should not worry too much. At least this is another lesson I learned the hard way from someone far from today but still very close. I wish I could hug everyone that saved me, it could be my birthday gift after all. And this weekend on my birthday I wished to meet more people I can admire and respect, to give my loyalty, my sight and my silence. I am like water following the moon. I am sounding like a daydreamer today and I wonder again. Sometimes I get mad at very good people, with very good hearts. Good people sometimes may be rude even when they are not meant to be. This is also another lesson I learned the hard way, it is not like I go crazy on anyone that do something I don't like anymore.
Maybe no one ever understands me, but I do try to understand others even with so many differences among all of us. It is good to know that even through differences that are somethings that never change and make us all the same in a way. Or maybe just ties us together. I guess my sadness is slowly disappearing, it is good to write how you feel. But I don't know, in my heart there is still a mixture of gratefulness, sadness and even happiness. What another person's memory looks like is something I will never know. It is the moments you live that become memories. Eventually they fade away, but they are never erased. They can always be remembered.