There are some feelings that come back over and over and you always expect them to affect you the same as before. Writing about them is my way to bury these feelings on my past. Not forever, of course, I don't think that's ever possible. I specially try not to read something I wrote before, even because it would not be interesting to read anymore. Past stuff should remain there, so I write to put my thoughts behind and let myself go. But these days I discovered something very interesting. There is this feeling that I use to have in certain situations and I really thought that it would come back again and it did, but this time I felt differently, almost like at peace instead of feeling angry. Maybe I am growing up, or maybe I realized how childish of me would be to behave like a stupid kid in stupid situations. Its like looking at someone else's eyes and wonder how old you are and how old one are. I mean, its not like I should not allow myself to grow only because someone is not and vice-versa. I am not the likes and likes are not me. It surprises me how I learn things in unexpected moments, not by forcing situations or by been eager for them to happen.
When my mind is at peace and when doubts are gone my vision becomes less blurred. Although there are different aspects of me, different places and different people, they are all connected. Past, present, friends, colleagues, family, my goals and then my future and the choices I make. The funny thing is that sometimes you make a huge step without even planning, just because of the good opportunities and right choices made by the wrong reasons. Of course we are all responsible for opening the doors, but isn't it curious how things ended up fitting together? And I close my eyes and see who I was some years ago and is that really me? The vessel does not change, but so many things become different, not only the things I see or think, but also the things I feel, my opinions, everything.
If there is this big illusion called world, how many worlds are there? So many people convicted with their beliefs and living their own illusions. And our struggle never ends, my fight to accept and my yearn to understand. I miss somethings along the way, specially good advices. I am always listening to good advices, trusting too much and yes, that does not change. A good music always make me dance until I fall.
